Friday, April 17, 2020

April 17th, 2020 Jennifer Forward Part 2

April 17th, 2020

I think that it is probably time to update the world on all things “Jen” for the past couple of weeks. For the most part, it has all been rather anticlimactic. I’ve settled into a routine of doing schoolwork while balancing library time and time for myself into my schedule as well. For the most part, I am beginning to feel comfortable with the new world I am living in. Let’s be honest, it is not ideal, I would rather be at school with my friends or spending my weekends at the library with our patrons, but this isn’t a horrible situation, and I am doing alright. I miss my friends and our patrons, but I am thankful for the internet and that I can connect with them whenever I’m feeling down.

Since settling into a routine, in a way, time seems to be flying by. It’s hard to believe that a little over a month ago, we had closed the library and I felt as though my life was destroyed. An honest part of me thought that I wouldn’t last even a week of this. We are all a little more tenacious than we think we are. A month ago, I would have thought it was crazy for anyone to believe that they could make almost the entire population stay home and not go socialize or participate in other currently banned activities. While we are far from perfect in this, I am proud of all of us for making this effort and denying a little of ourselves to protect those around us. There is nothing more selfless at this moment than staying home and abiding by our restrictions. It has such a bigger impact than I think any of us can fully fathom. In a way, we are showing those around us how much we care, not only about our own well-being, but theirs too.

I will say that some days are better than others. There are some days where I am bubbling over with barely containable optimism and then there are others where I have a hard time convincing myself that getting out of bed in the morning is a worthy cause. On those days the worst-case scenarios always seem more likely, and a simple burden weighs a thousand pounds more. Fortunately, those rough days are becoming less frequent.


I think we all try to pretend that we are handling this pandemic in stride and that we have it all figured out. I am the worst of these offenders. Some days my optimism is real and other days it’s just a facade to cover up the hurt I am truly experiencing. The facade is an attempt to put a smile on someone else’s face so that I can assure myself that they aren’t experiencing the hurt that I am. One of the things this pandemic has shown me is that it is okay to not always have it all together. You are not anything less of a person if you face a struggle every now and again. I also think it’s important to not only allow yourself to be okay with struggling but to admit that you’re struggling to others. People have a hard time trying to relate to someone they see as perfect and never struggles. They almost feel like they have to live up to an impossible ideal that is completely false anyways. They want someone that they can see themselves in and receive a reminder that they are not alone in their struggles. Admitting your struggles takes you from being an unfeeling statue to actually being a human.

There’s been a lot of talk about life not being the same when all of this is over. As much as I would like to vehemently deny this statement, each passing day shows me that this is all the more likely. It is hard to admit and really face the fact that things will never be normal again. I am fairly certain that the library I closed on Monday, March 16th is not the same library that I will open whenever that day maybe. I miss casual conversations around the circulation desk with our patrons and it hurts me to know that those may not be a reality for a long time. It’s a tough but necessary pill to swallow. Part of me wonders if I have worked my last regular shift before I move on to bigger and better things. It is weird to think that a face-covering will be almost as normal as putting your shoes on or grabbing your keys. It is also weird to think of how different my college experience will be if we are even permitted to return. It hurts to think of how long it may be before we are able to casually visit friends or go see a movie. We cannot change these circumstances, and I think that is what makes them hurt worse. Many times if there is something in our lives that we do not enjoy or is a stumbling block there is something that we can do to remove it. We are very independent people. This is one situation where we are helpless to an enemy that we cannot see and do not understand. All we can do is abide by the restrictions placed in front of us and embrace them to the best of our abilities. Waiting games are tough, but isn’t the prize always worth it in the end?

I really find it interesting how this pandemic has really brought out the true colors in all of us. I know it sounds like I am trying to grasp at straws and talk bad about people but I see a lot of good in people’s true colors. It is really neat how some people have really emerged from the shadows as some of the brightest lights in these dark times. We are seeing new leaders appear that are helping to guide as all through this tough time. We are seeing people provide encouragement who normally wouldn’t speak to us. It is heartwarming. Love works in mysterious ways.

Things may never be “normal” again, but fortunately, we are at a pivotal moment where we can work to make the new “normal” much more positive than the one we left behind. Yes, there will be some inevitable negative portions of this “normal”, but we can use this time to address some of the things that set us back in the past and develop a better “normal” that outweighs the inevitable negative portions that will be present. We can make it “normal” to show those we love that we love them. We can make it normal to be kind to others, we don’t need a global pandemic for that anymore. We can do good to others simply because we are naturally good people who don’t need to be praised for our efforts. Let’s collectively leave our unfeeling statues behind and work to become authentic human beings as we embark on this new world we are all entering in.

This is where our journey ends for today. If there is one thing that is consistent at this point in time, it is school assignments. Schoolwork is calling and I must go...

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